Yesterday on my flight to Los Angeles, the young (presumably gay) flight attendant, while asking me to put my seat back in the upright position, called me gorgeous. And beautiful. For about 11 seconds I was all atwitter. Gorgeous! Beautiful! But then I realized something. Men, gay or otherwise, do not generally call truly gorgeous women's attention to that fact. Unless they are supremely confident (or sitting on a high girder), they're too intimidated by the really beautiful.

Whom do they call gorgeous? Elderly women, the developmentally disabled, and the really really fat.

So, which one am I? I make faces when I write dialogue that sometimes, when I'm working in a café, say, make me look like a freak, but I wasn't working. I was reading a People magazine, so I know I wasn't twitching. Yes I do need to lose 5 or 10 pounds, but at 122 (ugh), I'm not fat. Chubby maybe, but not fat. So what does that leave?

I'm only 44 for God's sake. Am I really so old that gay flight attendants feel it's appropriate to condescend to me? "Hey Hon, my goodness you're looking nice today. Is that a St. John's knit?"

I was wearing AG jeans and a Marc Jacobs top! Is that the attire of an ancient crone? You know what, Mr. adorable, swishy little flight attendant? Fuck you and fuck your gorgeous.